BDSM RTV NEWS!!!!

18 january 2009


It's not just about whips and leather

Source: www.guardian.co.uk guardian.co.uk - UK


International Fetish Day is something we can all celebrate - almost everyone has a fetish, after all


Some politicians can be so clueless that they attract sympathy rather than contempt. This was the case when Labour MP Ronnie Campbell cheerfully gave his backing to National Fetish Day last year.

When a journalist asked Campbell if he had any fetishes himself, he replied "I must have a thousand but, hand on heart, I couldn't tell which is the most important one; probably the horses."

When the surprised reporter clarified the definition of fetish, Campbell cried "Oh my God almighty! My God! Is that what a fetish is?" He said he thought it meant "Worry - like worrying about backing the wrong horse."
So the MP for Blyth Valley doesn't have a sexual interest in horses, just a poor grasp of English - and, apparently, a fear of fetishes (now he knows what they are). Today, he can make good his error by joining the rest of us to celebrate the first International Fetish Day .

I say "the rest of us" because pretty much all of us have fetishes. Fetishes are not confined to people with large collections of whips and accounts at their local leather emporium.

There are undoubtedly far more people who enjoy the occasional light spank from their partner than people who are so keen that they purchase sets of hand-crafted spanking equipment. But both have fetishes. Really, there are only two groups who can claim not to have fetishes. The first consists of those who are completely asexual. The second is made up of people who live and think as stereotypical Victorians, saying "Well, it's 9:36, my dear: time for our weekly intercourse." Anyone who lives like that is likely to be suppressing all manner of feelings.

In the millennia of human existence, consenting adults in loving relationships have found an infinite number of ways to express their sexuality. Today people use the word "sexuality" to make a distinction between being gay and straight. Sexuality is far wider and broader and deeper than this. As the Christian feminist writer Jo Ind puts it , sexuality is "whatever turns you on".

I am not of course saying that all fetishes or forms of sexual expression are OK (I hope that people posting critical comments will at least read this far). People with certain sexual urges - such as paedophilia - clearly need therapy, and if they act on them, criminal justice. I'll be clear: sexual activity must be consensual, between adults (without animals) and not involve bullying or manipulation. I am talking about adults giving meaningful, informed consent, with respect and compassion for the other person or people involved.

Despite the relative sexual freedom of Britain today, prejudice lives on. Last year saw a flurry of media interest in a Yorkshire couple who were banned from buses for wearing fetish clothing.

More alarming are occasional tabloid attempts to make scare stories out of consensual adult fetishes. In November, the Sun simulated horror when "uncovering" the fact that people with an interest in sadomasochism  had hired a village hall for what was essentially a day conference with an evening party.

No wonder so many people find it hard to accept their own fetishes. "For years I repressed my sexuality," says Tina, a 32-year-old London woman, who worried that her desire to be sexually submissive undermined her commitment to feminism. She now believes that "it was a feminist act to overcome that repression". She says it is about choice: "When submitting, I temporarily give my personal power over to someone else - who returns it afterwards. In a sane world this would be considered an act of intimacy and sharing, not violation".

Tina is only one example of the diversity of people who are comfortable with their fetishes. I spoke with a Church of England vicar who practises BDSM (bondage, domination and sadomasochism). "God is love and where there is love, there is God" he insists. "God teaches us through metaphor and cosmic role-play".

People with certain fetishes now face the prospect of becoming victims of the government's sustained assault on civil liberties. In a knee-jerk piece of headline-grabbing, ministers have introduced a law on "extreme pornography " which comes into force this month. Rather than targeting the exploitative, abusive and bullying elements of the pornography industry, the law is aimed at sadomasochistic images regardless of the context. So low is the barrier that if taken literally it could lead to a couple who take a photo of their consensual (and legal) sexual activity being arrested for possession of that photo.

Despite all this there is sometimes a surprising degree of acceptance. When I asked people with fetishes of their experience of friends' reactions, there were as many positive as negative. One said that all his colleagues knew he practised sadomasochism. Another said that her friends don't "get it", but they respect her choices and are "thrilled to see me happy and content".

So, if you've never been comfortable with your fetishes, perhaps today is the right day to change. It is a good day to rejoice in your healthy sexuality - as well as being ready to deal with any unhealthy aspects.

As everyone has a fetish, this is a day that we can all celebrate. Of course, you might not be ready to discuss leather at lunch or candle wax around the water cooler. If you want a more subtle way to mark International Fetish Day, you could always buy a dictionary and send it to Ronnie Campbell MP at the House of Commons.

The Guardian is the media partner for The Convention on Modern Liberty, taking place on Saturday February 28 2009, which will debate these and other issues. You can buy tickets here