BDSM RTV NEWS!!!!

29 april 2009


Beyond the sheets: Do not judge what others like


Source: www.uiargonaut.com Argonaut - Moscow,ID,USA


People do many different things and enjoy many different activities. For some, sexual encounters are limited to “old-fashioned” man and woman situations with one position for coitus. For others, sexual encounters can involve many consenting individuals in various positions. For others, sexual encounters can be as widely diverse and varied as people. The point is to approach all situations in a non-judgmental fashion.


Having made this statement, it is important to point out you do not need to be understanding of certain activities. I will never be understanding or tolerant of sex with animals, sex with children or forced sex without consent. It is OK to identify strong limitations on sexual activities you will not allow yourself to tolerate.

Does this mean you should create a list of activities you find disturbing and decide not to understand them? Absolutely not. A few years ago, the idea of a golden shower (urinating on someone for sexual gratification) was incredibly disturbing and disgusting to me. Since this time, I have had many conversations with individuals who do enjoy watersport play, and I can understand the allure for some individuals. Granted, I will not participate in this activity, but I can no longer allow myself to feel disturbed by those who do.

Perhaps you feel unnerved by individuals who engage in bondage. Often, people have a mental image of bondage involving dark, scary alleys with individuals clad in leather. While this is a particular fetish within BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), it is not the definition of this activity. Why is there a sense of disturbance based on this mental image? It is no different than wanting someone to put on a French maid’s uniform. Instead of making immediate judgments about an individual who discloses an interest in bondage, perhaps, start a conversation as to why this activity is enjoyable. Many will share an idea of intense trust and emotion connecting all individuals involved. This is not only a true sentiment but also an important aspect of such activities. There must be absolute trust to make it a sensual experience.

One activity often considered taboo involves the concept of a foot fetish. This is not a fetish experienced by only a select few. In fact, there are more individuals with a fetish toward feet than many would imagine. It is quite common to think about feet in an enjoyable and pleasurable way - think of a fantasy in which one of the individuals is wearing socks during sex. Yes, this is a practical way to try and keep warm, but it is also a sexually enjoyable image and activity. What tends to make many people uneasy about the idea of a foot fetishist is the combination of oral stimulation and feet. My suggestion is instead of immediately thinking poorly of an individual, consider the sensations that may be involved for all parties.

Perhaps, it is quite enjoyable for oral stimulation on the toes. Perhaps, there is a sense of intimacy felt for the fetishist by being allowed to stimulate feet.

Outdoor sex is another activity often judged by others. I think it is important to remember to bring a ground covering and avoid high-use campsites. There can be a certain sense of connection while enjoying sexual activities in the wilderness. A sense of being isolated with your partner in an environment void of technology could be a large motivator for individuals.

Role-playing is a common activity in which many people engage. You may have a notion of this entailing grand costumes, scripted words and actions, but not necessarily. Role play can be as simple as pretending you are a famous celebrity or re-creating an incredibly pleasurable sexual encounter. A large component of this is fantasizing, an activity most individuals do.

Remember, if you have a fantasy or want to engage in a certain type of sexual activity, you are not the only one. There are countless individuals sharing the same desires as you. All you must do is talk. If a partner has desires that do not interest you, do not give up all hope, but rather try to understand what may motivate the desire - you may find a mutually agreeable compromise.

Have fun, be safe and happy playing.