BDSM RTV MEDIA NEWS!!!!


30 august 2009


Does rough sex lead to relationship abuse?


Source: www.examiner.com Examiner.com - USA


*Warning* The following article is comprised of facts, speculation and opinions. No studies have been done to test my theory.


While talking with a friend the other day, she confided some information about her current relationship. She seemed hesitant to talk about it, and after hearing it, I still wasn't sure why.

You see, my friend is a submissive. Shocking right? Well, no, not really. So I had to ask, why was she worried about telling me?

She replied that the relationship is seen by some as abusive, and considering my experience with domestic violence, wasn't quite sure how I would take it.

Well, that got me thinking. Is there a link between rough sex, otherwise known as BDSM, and abuse? So I investigated.

Not knowing a whole lot about the subject of BDSM, I turned to my faithful information specialist, the internet. Here's what I've learned:

BDSM is a compound acronym for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. I'm glad they compounded it. The activities sometimes revolve around only sexual play, other times it spills into all aspects of life. Rough sex is usually involved, the extent of which is different for each person. Typically, one person holds the control, dictating the activities and "punishments". He/She is referred to as the dominant or top. The other person, who goes along with the activities or is controlled, is referred to as a submissive or bottom. Most have one role they play, though some can switch back and forth and enjoy it.

Sounds like an abusive relationship waiting to happen right?

Well, again, no. This is actually quite the opposite of an abusive relationship. The main idea behind BDSM is safe, sane and consensual. The people involved must consent to the actions, and actually want to do as they are asked, or told. Sane implies respecting the limits. Just as you would (or should!) in any sexual relationship, the likes/dislikes or limits are discussed before the games begin. Safe means no one can push past those limits, or do anything that brings harm to a person that they didn't agree to.

If you have ever been in an abusive relationship, ask yourself if you ever had any choice in what happened to you. This is a huge difference.

The next, and very important, difference is the trust. A BDSM relationship revolves around trusting your partner to follow the rules. The submissive is giving up complete control, of their own free will, because he or she trusts their partner to keep them safe. In domestic violence situations, there is no trust in your partner, and often none for yourself.

It's a distinct possibility that someone who is abusive to their partner does so under the defense of the BDSM lifestyle. Or by using of love, marriage or children.

In short, there is no proof that a person who enjoys rough sex, would lead to a lifetime of abusive relationships, whether as the abuser, or the abused. But if someone makes a claim that this lifestyle caused them to be abusive, you may want to ask if it's just another excuse.

For more info on Domestic Violence in Pima County please click the subscribe button at the top of the page. If you have any questions, or a topic you'd like to see, contact me at kayla@trailsofdeath.com.


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