BDSM RTV MEDIA NEWS!!!!


14 december 2009


Tough love: the lives and times of a dominatrix


Source: www.telegraph.co.uk - Telegraph.co.uk - London,England,UK


Dressed in thigh-high stilettos and brandishing a whip, the dominatrix is, to most, a seedy figure from tabloid exposés. But what lies behind the stereotype? By Julia Llewellyn Smith . Photographs by Kate Peters .


The photographer Kate Peters spent a year shooting dominatrices, or 'doms’, in Britain and was astonished at the contrast between the 'normal’ women she met and their leather-corseted personae. 'I remember one session in an ordinary east London terraced house. I was chatting to the dom over tea, when the doorbell rang. I opened it to an electrician in his twenties in overalls, holding a bottle of wine. His mistress started verbally abusing him. Minutes later he was lying fully clothed over her knee, being spanked.’

A traditional dominatrix does not have sex with clients, but instead enables their fantasies - no matter how bizarre. 'They’re England’s dirty secret, but they’re everywhere,’ Peters says. She estimates that about 70 per cent of the women consider their work as not just a well-paid job, but a labour of love. 'They get as many kicks from it as their clients do.’

Mistress V, in her late thirties, is of Spanish origin and grew up in Australia. she came to Britain last year and works in London

'When I was younger I put my parents through hell - moving around, changing jobs, trying to find something that made me happy. I worked in hospitality management, then became a stripper and finally entered the world of BDSM (bondage domination sadism masochism). This job is perfect for me - I’m domineering and headstrong, I love performing and the money is fantastic. I’m single; not many dominatrices have steady relationships as most men find it pretty tough to know what you are doing.
My mother knows what I do. I’m the black sheep of the family, so I don’t think she’s too shocked - she expects it and I’d rather be honest with her. But my father probably doesn’t know. To him I’m still daddy’s little girl.
I won’t do everything clients ask; it has to be something I enjoy. I refuse to do adult babies (when men want their nappies changed and suck dummies) and I don’t do needle-play (when you pierce clients or sometimes suspend them through hooks in their flesh).

I don’t like severe sessions either, where someone is begging you to stop but doesn’t actually want you to, or leaving marks on bodies. If there are marks on your bottom after a caning you’ll have some explaining to do when you get home. Before a session you need to find out if the client has health problems
and agree on a 'safe’ word. If a client has been tied up for a certain length of time you have to check that they’re OK. You don’t want them passing out on you.

This isn’t about providing our bodies for sex; it’s about role-playing and providing humiliation. You’re fulfilling a fantasy that someone has never been able to fulfil in their marriage or with their girlfriends. One client whose marriage ended badly, with his ex blackmailing him and calling him names, now likes us to re-enact those scenarios. I guess he misses something from that time and wants to replay it. Often I feel like a psychologist without a diploma, delving into people’s minds.'

Mistress Absolute is in her early thirties, works in London and has been a dominatrix for seven years

'As a child, growing up in Sussex, I loved locking people in cupboards and getting people to do what I wanted. I found an old school report the other day that said my 'dominant personality could be a little unnerving sometimes’. When I told my mother, she said, 'Oh, darling, but you’ve always been like that.’

Dominatrices are not the same as prostitutes. What I do is all about foreplay: linking into someone’s psyche. Clients put me on a pedestal and I tease them. They can’t touch me above the knee and don’t even get to see me in my underwear, though they may be naked.

Some come to me with specific requests for bondage, corporal punishment or foot fetishes. Others are slaves. I have one slave who follows me round in a butler outfit - we go shopping and he carries my purchases. Female slaves are rare, but I have one in America who has to send me precisely 100 words every day about what she’s been doing and ask my permission before she goes anywhere or does anything.
I am very privileged to be trusted with people’s deepest, darkest secrets and desires. One of the most fulfilling things for me is people calling me and talking me through their scenario. They ask, 'Is that really weird?’ When I tell them it’s common, a weight comes off their shoulders as they realise somebody understands something they’ve hoarded inside for so many years.

The things that people ask for can be absolutely hilarious and I often do find myself in fits of giggles. Sometimes I smirk sarcastically, which enhances the session. Sometimes it’s outright laughter. You do what’s appropriate in the situation. The big word in all this is playing - having fun, albeit in a very adult environment.'

Goddess Sophia is in her twenties and works in east London

'I grew up in Yorkshire and became fascinated by BDSM at about the age of 10, when I saw a television programme about it - obviously I was staying up much later than I should have! As I got older I became very involved in the goth and fetish scene and I moved into 'domming’ from there, although I also do fire-eating.

Rather than being sexual, dominatrix work is mainly psychological and very mentally demanding. Although, officially, the mistress is always right, you have to work to maintain the relationship and be very aware of the slave’s needs.

The majority of my clients are businessmen and I would guess most are married. It’s not a cheap hobby, and it appeals to people in demanding jobs who want to have the responsibility taken off them for a while. Work does get quiet in the school holidays - I figure most of them are away with their families.

Some clients come with a list; others ask me to make suggestions. Very occasionally a client will ask me to do the session in everyday clothes, but rubber and corsets emphasise and exaggerate the idea of female supremacy, so they tend to be the favourites. My flatmates used to joke that I should be a dom because I was so bossy and impatient - little did they know. When I’m with a client I only exaggerate those sides of my personality.

My mum knows a little about what I do from the way I dress, but it’s something I don’t really discuss with my family.'

Mistress Morrigan, 30, works in east London

'I grew up in Wales and got involved in the fetish scene in my teens. I trained as a make-up artist, then became a dancer before starting work in a dungeon [a venue specifically set up for BDSM activities]. My immediate family knows what I do and so do my friends. No one has said anything judgmental.

I’ve worked in dungeons in New York, which are amazing, like something from a film set. They have massive Catherine-wheels, suspension racks - where you
can stand or hang upside-down - and bondage chairs. But it’s perfectly possible just to nip down to B&Q and equip yourself with basics, such as ropes, and set them up in your living-room.

I have a goth image, so I tend to do a lot of ritualistic activities involving burning incense and candles, tarot cards, sensory deprivation and sometimes meditation. But others like role-play - the cruel female boss scenario is very common. One of my clients had a Pinocchio fetish - we acted out a scenario that he was a puppet, and it was really fun.

My husband is absolutely fine with what I do. He knows that my work isn’t intimate in a sexual sense, it’s more psychological. Nothing goes on in the dungeon that he need worry about.

Some people go out on a Friday night and get drunk, some drive fast cars. Everyone needs an outlet for stress and that is what I provide. One of my regulars always arrives totally stressed and leaves almost euphoric, having rid himself of life’s burdens while he’s here.'

Domina Heelena, aka Mistress Toe Tease, 29, works in London, often with her sister, Mistress Arella

I am from a little town in the Czech Republic and came to London, a shy young woman, to study. I’ve always been intrigued by non-mainstream sexual practices. Some years ago I met a Jordanian doctor who started to bite my feet. I was totally freaked out because I had no idea that such a thing as a foot fetish existed. I felt so awkward I never saw him again.
However, about three years ago, when I decided to leave my part-time office job, my sister, who was already working as a dom, introduced me to a foot fetishist. Since then we’ve worked with dozens of fetishists and included BDSM activities in our repertoire. We work together if requested - our sessions are very popular.

I like to be comfortable, so you won’t see me in PVC or latex, though occasionally I’ll wear leather to a fetish club. I prefer the dominant girlfriend/nasty wife and secretary scenarios, and will therefore wear my everyday clothes. It’s impossible to keep what I do secret from friends, and I enjoy entertaining them with my stories. My family, however, doesn’t know the full story.

I wouldn’t say that I was acting in my sessions; I don’t view Heelena as a different person. She’s become part of me and I’ve learnt so much from her. She is improper, outrageous, brave, outspoken, demanding and vulgar.

It is refreshing to behave like her and to laugh at a client’s 'predicament’. Enslaving a man who has high social or professional ranking is so empowering. Receiving regular foot massages from clients is addictive and I always appreciate having my house cleaned as part of a session, especially if the client in question reveals that he never cleans for his wife.
Every activity I engage in is consensual. I reject clients who ask for dangerous activities such as extreme asphyxia. But I can go really wild when administering corporal punishment. Most of my clients are seeking psychological release rather than pain-inducing activities.

I’m single, but work has definitely affected my intimate relationships - it’s made me more experimental and open-minded, as well as more demanding. Real dominatrices never have sex
with their clients. At least they never advertise it. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but it is tempting to use the best specimens as sex slaves.

Mistress Arella, 27, works in London and is Domina Heelena’s younger sister

I’ve always been rather unconventional and hated the nine-to-five office life I used to lead. I had my first kinky encounter when I was 17, but I started working professionally as a dominatrix when I was 25. I’m not ashamed of what I do, but I haven’t told my parents - I don’t want them to be hurt.

I see between five and seven clients in a typical week, usually for an hour’s session at a cost of £170. The better-known London mistresses charge about £250. The highs of my job include being my own boss, having more free time and money than in a conventional profession, elevated self-confidence and having fun.

The lows are that occasionally you don’t click with your clients and some men do mess around a lot, so as a consequence you become suspicious towards everyone.

I cause my clients pain if that is what they ask for and there can be some force in the context of role-play, but we have a safe word they can use to stop a session at any time, so they feel comfortable. I’ve always been naturally dominant so it’s not a big deal for me to cane clients or scold them for having a small penis.

I am married and my husband is comfortable with my job. My intimate life with him is 100 per cent 'vanilla’ [not BDSM-related] and I want to keep
it that way. We’d like children and I’ll probably keep working after I have them, though I may go part-time or specialise in long-distance arrangements.

www.katepeters.co.uk.

See more photo's on Telgraph.