BDSM RTV MEDIA NEWS!!!!



12 feb 2010



Love lockdown: A beginner's guide to bondage for Valentine's Day


Source: www.avclub.com  - A.V. Club Milwaukee  - USA


A self-described “ninja sex poodle and Ronin of love,” Madison author and burlesque performer Graydancer has established himself as one of the region’s leading sex educators, thanks to his bondage-oriented podcast The Ropecast and the kinky workshops he teaches at places like A Woman’s Touch in Milwaukee. Because The A.V. Club is always looking to spice things up-especially with Valentine’s Day coming up on Sunday-we tracked down Graydancer to talk about the relative kinkiness of Milwaukee compared to Madison, and why seeing Avatar might be a good prelude to hot handcuff sex later on in the night.


The A.V. Club: Before we ask you about bondage, let’s check your credentials first. What are your qualifications as a bondage expert?
Graydancer: I haven’t killed anybody yet. [Laughs.] There is no real certification course. In the community, it’s a peer-review process, you could say. There are lots-more than you can believe-of conventions and festivals that go on around the whole kink world, and over years of attending them and teaching at them and volunteering at them and helping to run them, I’ve gotten to the point where people seem to like to listen to what I have to say. That being said, I’m always very clear that this is all based on my own experience. I could be wrong, and if I am wrong, please point it out to me.

AVC: On your podcast you refer to Madison as “the bondage capital of the world.” What’s the basis for that?
G: Well, first of all, it’s somewhat tongue-in-cheek. I started the podcast because I was part of an online community, and I was hearing about everything happening in New York, Florida, L.A., Seattle, all the coasts. I got tired of everything happening on the coasts, so I decided I was going to have the one and only rope/bondage podcast in the Midwest. And, so, I just started referring to it as "the bondage capital of the universe." I knew I had succeeded somewhat when I got a sincere question from a listener, who said, “Why is that everything that happens with rope bondage seems to be happen in San Francisco and Madison, Wisconsin?" [Laughs.]
That being said, I do a lot of traveling to a lot of cities, and Madison does actually have one of the best kink and alternative sexuality communities in the nation. There are multiple events, really well run events; the community is very active in supporting each other. I’m pretty amazed by what we have here.

AVC: How does Milwaukee compare?
G: I should probably couch this delicately.

AVC: Just lay it out there, man.
G: To be honest, I haven’t felt the same level of community in Milwaukee, which might be a factor of the size and layout of the city. That’s been changing. I know of a new group just south of Milwaukee that’s become a part of the Masters And Slaves Together international community. There are few people and places that have helped out a lot, in particular A Woman’s Touch and also The Tool Shed. However, there are not many regular kink-oriented events that happen in Milwaukee, whereas in Madison there’s one or two every single week.

AVC: It sounds like Milwaukee needs to catch up. Let’s say you’re a novice interested in bondage. How do you feel out your significant other to make sure he or she won’t freak out if you want to break out the handcuffs?
G: It’s not as hard as it used to be, since you can go out and rent a movie like Bound and at the part where people are tied up say, “You know, that kind of turns me on.” I was thrilled with the bondage scene in Avatar, the way that they tied them up, it was very artistic, effective, and interesting. If you have needs that aren’t being met, bring them up, and you have to be in a safe place with your partner. But you have to be prepared where if you say, “Hey, would you tie me up?” the other person might say, “I can do that, as long as I get to wear the pink bunny suit.” You can’t say that’s sick and disgusting.

AVC: After you agree to the bunny suit, what’s next step?
G: I would recommend going to a website called twistedmonk.com. He makes bondage rope, and his target audience is the soccer-mom set. If you go on the website, he has tutorials on how to do the basic ties, which he shows with his wife, and they’re wearing T-shirts and jeans. He’ll also send you a sample kit of all the different ropes he makes. If you’re just beginning, and you want some really simple and clear-cut things, The Knotty Boys books are good.

AVC: Valentine’s Day is coming up on Sunday. Is bondage romantic?
G: Absolutely. It starts off with trust, and then goes into connection. That’s basically the definition of romance right there. If the most vanilla couple-and I don’t use "vanilla" as a pejorative, I use it as a flavor-when they want to spice things up will say, “Hey, why don’t we use a blind fold?” The whole reason for that is that one person is giving over some level of power to the other. They’re saying, “I trust you enough to become more vulnerable for you.”

The second benefit you get is connection, because that other person has received that trust is then going to pay more attention to the person who is more vulnerable. People like having attention having paid to them. Also, you know the principle of you take away one of your senses the other ones become more attuned? If someone’s hands are tied behind their back, the front of their bodies becomes much more sensitive because it’s vulnerable. It heightens their sensations.