BDSM MEDIA NEWS!!!!
11 april 2012
My life as a Dominatrix (Kelly Nelson)
Source: www.invisibleoranges.com. - Invisibleoranges.com - USA
USA - I love the opportunity to be creative, skilled, and devious. I am paid well for it. I’ve been a professional Dominatrix for more than a decade.At rehearsal the other night, I shared a session story with the band (I sing and play bass for the Bay Area metal band Embers). They are always entertained and amused by my work stories. I had a double domination session earlier that day with a fellow dominatrix and friend who coincidentally is also in a band. In the scenario, we were both naughty nurses doing an examination on a “patient”.
As is often the case with medical scenes, we were performing an anal exam using a gloved finger on a patient who was enjoying it way too much. He had to be spanked for that. Once our exam was complete we decided a deeper probe was necessary and put on strap-ons. The rest can be left to the imagination. Needless to say, we all had a wonderful time!
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When I first moved to the San Francisco Bay Area I joined a collective of punks, artists, and travelers working in recycling around the UC Berkeley campus. We drove a giant white truck with “Slayer” spray painted on the side and tried not to run over students. While that job was fun, it didn’t pay well.
The Bay is considered the mecca of the kinky world. It didn’t take long for me to find other women in the punk and metal scene who were working as pro-dommes. I was intrigued.I found out about a house where some of these girls worked and went to speak with the owner about getting trained. She was very welcoming. Despite my patches, dreadlocks, and tattoos, she brought me in on a shift. I worked there for more than six years. Now, I’m fully independent and run my own dungeon. I have other independent dommes that pay me rent to use the facility. It’s very well-equipped with crosses, cages, leather swings, toys and implements, among other things.
I’ve come a long way. I now run the dungeon with a business partner and together we host educational BDSM (bondage, discipline/domination, sadism/submission, masochism) workshops to help train people to play safely and conscientiously. We also host wild and crazy kink parties that are super fun.
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This line of work requires a lot training and understanding of the human body both physically and emotionally. It requires nonjudgmental insight into the workings of “deviant” (as viewed by society) sexual psychology. It requires the ability to effectively wield a diverse array of implements, devices, equipment, and toys and the ability to wield them differently with everyone based on their individual needs and desires. It requires an intuitive sensibility, the ability to read between the lines of verbal communication, to understand the subtleties of body language. It requires an appreciation for the power of human touch whether sadistic or loving.
There seems to be a need that is fulfilled through BDSM. It could be considered a drug when you think about all of the endorphins, adrenaline, and the feeling of connection that is produced in session. Not to mention incredible orgasms!
Many clients have wives that have no idea about their darker sexual fantasies. There is fear about judgment and condemnation.
Sometimes there is shame. For the record, I do not have sex with clients. Most professional dommes don’t. Sex is generally in the realm of escort work. That doesn’t mean that what I do is not intimate. It most certainly is. Even the heaviest masochist needs to feel safe and nurtured while in scene. A successful professional in this industry is a person who can make someone they’ve never met trust them and become vulnerable before the session even begins. There are a few good dommes out there and a lot of shitty ones.
At this point in my career, I’ve gathered a number of wonderful regular clients. They are schoolteachers, software engineers, politicians, lawyers, real estate agents, and doctors. Some I consider friends. Most of my clients know about Embers and are intrigued by the musician’s lifestyle. BDSM is greatly misunderstood. People tend to be very judgmental about unorthodox relationships. Many people label what dommes do with clients as abuse. It’s not abuse. Abuse is a non-consensual act. That undermines the very principle of BDSM, which is based on safe, sane, and consensual play between adults.
The clients that come to see me may seem like weak, submissive men on the surface, but it requires great courage to lay yourself out naked before a woman you don’t know who is holding a cane or a whip. It takes strength to be vulnerable. I have a great respect for everyone who comes to see me. I appreciate their openness, acceptance, and interest in diving into the alluring, nefarious world of the professional sadist. I advertise my services on various sites that cater to such activities and enjoy meeting new people outside of the metal scene. Everyone has an interesting story to tell. This line of work has broadened my understanding of how different people perceive the world.
Safety is important. It’s one reason why I’m a serious practitioner of martial arts. Self-defense skills help me to feel safe with the strange men that I’m about to torture. You never know when someone could just freak out. It’s never happened to me, but I know it has to other dommes.
Sometimes a whip to the back is not nearly as triggering as a slap to the face. For that reason I always create a session that incorporates requested activities and doesn’t just throw in random acts of violence for my own sadistic pleasure. I enjoy wrestling sessions with men; it’s enhanced my martial arts skills. My training with targeting and impact have enhanced my skills in corporeal discipline.
While metal music is not generally what I play in scene, I’ve had a few clients that enjoy it. One of my regulars loves Opeth. We talk about metal bands we like while we session. It’s nice to have common ground. There is one client/friend in particular that I go with to bigger metal concerts. He bought my whole band tickets to see Judas Priest on their last tour. Rob Halford is the perfect intersection of BDSM and metal. Halford was the first to introduce leather, studs, and chains into the metal scene. He comes out on stage with his big whip, baton, and handcuffs. It doesn’t get any kinkier than that!
Of course, he’s a big leather daddy, which is awesome. There is an obvious fashion crossover between metal and BDSM, and he is the granddaddy of that iconic image. Aside from fashion, I don’t think these two scenes really cross over much. Just because you like extreme music doesn’t mean you get into extreme kink or have even been exposed to it.
I’ve always enjoyed creating and harnessing intense energy through my music with Embers and through my profession. I’m easily bored with the mundane and have a strong craving for powerful experiences that will help to transform me on some level.
It’s these interests that lead to an enchantment and exploration of punk, metal, anarchism, polyamory, nature based spirituality, art, death, and BDSM. I’ve chosen a lifestyle that is not dictated by the social norms and expectations that I grew up with. We all carve out our own paths on this journey we call life and mine is an adventure!
- Kelly Nelson . . .
Kelly Nelson is the bassist and vocalist of the band
Embers. Check them out at and
embers.bandcamp.com.
See more and larger photo's on:
Invisibleoranges.com.
