BDSM MEDIA NEWS!!!!
August 08 2012
CRIME: Marine wife slaying throws spotlight on bondage scene
Police say ' 'fetishes' motive for Killgore killers
Source: Nctimes.com. - Nctimes.com - USA
USA - VISTA - The disappearance and gruesome slaying of Brittany Killgore, 22, whose naked body was dumped in a ditch in April while her Marine husband was fighting in Afghanistan, has drawn worldwide attention ---- largely because of the sexual kinks of her three suspected killers.
In court documents released last month, police described a sex dungeon and bondage toys, and suggested that the Fallbrook suspects killed Killgore to satisfy their sexual desires. The documents mentioned no evidence that Killgore was involved in their practices.
The case has heightened fears of misunderstanding or persecution in the local bondage community, especially when the best-selling novels in America are those in the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy, an erotic series that includes acts of bondage, binding and disciplining for pleasure.
Members of the local bondage community ---- who organize primarily through niche social media websites, discreet clubs, and parties at neighborhood homes or specialty businesses ---- fear being seen as crazy or violent.
Psychologists and sex educators said that bondage relationships can be healthy and are somewhat common, though they often remain hidden from public view.
Such secrets are usually exposed only when something has gone terribly wrong, experts said.
Terribly wrongCourt documents detail the living arrangement and lifestyle of the three people charged with Killgore's murder: Louis Ray Perez, his pregnant girlfriend Dorothy Maraglino, and the couple's "sex slave," Jessica Lopez. They all lived in the same Fallbrook house.
In a request for a search warrant targeting the house, a detective wrote that "because of Perez, Maraglino and Lopez's unusual sexual fetishes I believe they may have accosted Killgore for these reasons."
Investigators seized as evidence sex toys and bondage equipment during searches of the home, the document said.
Police first arrested Perez. They later caught Lopez in a bloody hotel room as she was apparently in the middle of a suicide attempt.
A would-be suicide note signed with Lopez's name was found in the room. It included a confession to killing Killgore, attempting to saw off her hands, and dumping her body near a lake in Riverside County. The note also gave a glimpse of the threesome's practices.
"To Mistress," the letter said, "I have always lived to be your slave & pet. I'm sorry my last act is to leave this world without permission but I cannot bear your grief & my guilt at seeing Master go through this from my choice. I do not regret my choice, only the consequences. I die in honor, cloaked in my loyalty to my house, family, & that which is just."
The letter also made repeated mentions of trying to emulate "Dexter," the title character of a popular Showtime television series, in slaying Killgore and disposing of her body. "Dexter" is a calculating serial killer who targets people he considers to be immoral or criminal.
Based on the details made public to date, the suspects' sexual desires seem somewhat irrelevant to the killing, said Mary Andres, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Southern California who studies sexuality.
The psychologist has not spoken with anyone directly involved in the Killgore case. However, she said that Lopez's letter seemed to indicate that the suspects' bondage relationship fed Lopez's desperate hunger for a sense of family and stability.
Perez and Maraglino, as the dominant "Master" and "Mistress," took on authoritarian, parental-type roles. Lopez, as the submissive slave of the couple, filled a childlike role, and received boundaries and plenty of attention, Andres said.
Lopez may have seen Killgore as a threat to that family structure, Andres said.
BalanceThe suspects' 24-hour bondage relationship involving three people, as described in court documents, is rare, Andres said.
A classic example of a functional bondage relationship is that of a high-powered businesswoman who comes home to her relaxed, artistic husband.
"She's the powerhouse of the relationship outside of the house, but when she comes home, she submits to him," Andres said. "Instead of coming home and resenting her husband for not being man enough, they play these roles where he is man enough."
Andres and other experts say the dominant-submissive relationship is a permanent lifestyle for some.
For others, bondage, domination and sado-masochism are a weekend diversion. They are a few hours of handcuffs, humiliation and spankings to relieve the tension and lift the spirits before Monday morning's stressful business meeting.
A bondage club near Los Angeles International Airport charges weary travelers $200 an hour for the sting of a dominant's discipline, according to its website. Customers can spend the night in the dungeon for an additional fee. Sex is prohibited.
Some consider BDSM inextricably linked to sex. Others consider it almost entirely non-sexual. It could involve a pair of fluffy handcuffs or an entire dungeon full of tools and toys, suspension devices, ropes, chains, whips and flogs. For those who enjoy it, the pain and humiliation blur with pleasure.
The most important aspect is the exchange of power. It satisfies something deeper than sexuality, adherents said.
The submissive person enjoys the freedom from responsibilities. The dominant person enjoys the dual roles of disciplining and nurturing the submissive.
But before anything happens, it's common practice to draw up a detailed contract to make sure neither party is subjected to anything that would make him or her uncomfortable.
Consensual, safe, saneMost bondage groups embrace the mantra: consensual, safe and sane.
The relationship among Perez, Maraglino and Lopez described in court documents appeared to be consensual.
But safe or sane? Definitely not, said local sex coach Sayaka Adachi, who reviewed a copy of the apparent suicide letter after its release.
The bondage community is intensely private and fiercely accepting of just about any kink or desire a person could have. But it has standards, Adachi said.
Members self-regulate. Anyone who violates any of those three principles can be blacklisted.
She said the conservative suburbia of North County is far kinkier than it might like to admit.
Adachi, who holds a doctorate degree in human sexuality, is teaching a bondage class called "Fifty Shades of Curiosity" to groups of enthusiastic newcomers, spurred by a swell of interest in BDSM.
"The more conservative the people are, the kinkier they tend to be," she said. "But not out in the open."
'Very ordinary'.
Several men and women involved in local BDSM communities declined to speak with a reporter over the past three weeks, saying they feared media attention.
Two women, however, agreed to speak on condition of anonymity: a 22-year-old professional submissive who calls herself Kitty and a 28-year-old "switch" ---- one who plays both dominant and submissive roles ---- who calls herself Mistress Bella.
Kitty said she has been involved in BDSM since she was 15. Bella said she has been involved since she was 17. Both said they had normal, healthy childhoods.
They said the bondage community does not tolerate anyone who causes real harm or injury to another.
"Hurting, on the other hand ---- that's what they're there for," Bella said.
Bella said she has "owned" a slave in the past. She would give the slave tasks and check to ensure they were completed. If not, Bella would punish her slave next time they met.
San Diego-based Club X is a social group that networks and supports those involved in BDSM or other fetishes.
"Our lives really are very ordinary," Club X board member "lyla" wrote in an email. "People who expect to find our days and nights filled with fantasy are quickly disillusioned. Safe, Sane and Consensual is about knowing the difference between fantasy and reality."
'What's really perverse'.
Many in the community lament the popularity of the "Fifty Shades of Grey" series. Its descriptions of BDSM practices are off, and the bondage-practicing characters have serious past trauma and psychological problems, fitting stereotypes that real practitioners have long sought to dispel.
On the other hand, the books can serve as conversation starters for the curious, Andres said. There is certainly a demand for such conversation-starters in North County.
About 1,200 people waited in line for hours at a Costco store in Carlsbad last month to get their copies of "Fifty Shades of Grey" signed, in person, by British author E.L. James. Store employees had to turn away more fans.
Experts said that America's culture swings between oppression and exploitation of sexuality. So the exposure of the bondage lifestyle opens up a door for fascination, as well as a door for condemnation.
Jonathan Alexander, a professor who studies sexuality and rhetoric at UC Irvine, said sensational headlines and horror stories like Killgore's slaying gain traction because they send the message: "See what happens if you experiment, or exceed the norm? It's going to go drastically bad."
"Ultimately," he said, "what's really perverse is not the sex people engage in, but how we talk about sex ---- not wanting to talk about it, but somehow desperately interested in it at the same time."
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