BDSM MEDIA NEWS!!!!
September 12, 2014
EADS: Sexual fetishes are normal, society needs educate themselves
Source: Dailynebraskan.com. - Dailynebraskan.com - USA
USA - There’s an episode of Sex and the City where Samantha walks in on her date tied up in his make-shift bondage closet and almost immediately leaves. No questions asked, just the sound of her high heels clacking down the hallway of his Manhattan apartment.
The episode is called “The Freak Show,” and it does its job of concluding that we all have our sexual quirks and that doesn’t necessarily make us freaks.
I like to think that the show portrays the consequences of one of the biggest flaws in our society: our understanding of sexuality.
When we think of the word fetish, what’s our first thought? Maybe it’s picturing creepy men on the Internet asking girls to do things we never even thought could be sexual, or maybe we think about how we don’t understand the appeal of feet.
No matter what our first thought is, it’s almost never the fact that fetishes are just another facet of sexuality and don’t always have to be characterized as weird or disgusting.
A fetish is, in the most basic terms, something that really, really turns you on. It might be the only thing that manages to turn you on. Regardless, it’s not something that’s controlled. No one wakes up and actively chooses to have a fetish.
The end goal of sex is to satisfy those involved, whether through climax or just stimulation. So it only makes sense to be turned on in one way or another. Fetishes can be as simple as a piece of lingerie or a feather or as complex as a specific role-played scenario complete with costumes.
It’s normal to be extremely drawn to an act, situation or object sexually, and, for those with fetishes, it’s just a normal part of their everyday lives.
What’s wrong with our society is that we treat sexuality as if it doesn’t exist and as if it isn’t different for every person. We act like what works for one person should work for everybody else, but common sense says otherwise.
When the Internet supplies its readers with articles as well-named as “5 Secret Male Fetishes That Are Actually Totally Common,” it’s easy to tell that we’re pretty ignorant when it comes to sex. It’s no secret that someone can be aroused by boobs or exhibitionism or feet or all three, and it’s no secret that you might also not be into those things.
When I entered my first sexual relationship, the idea that my partner would probably be into things that I’m not baffled me. But since then, I’ve decided to both understand and sometimes try what I’m comfortable with, that way I can explore myself and figure out what I like, too. I try my best to not judge what other people are into. We can’t assume that what arouses us is customary.
The natural reaction to a desire that seems odd and different compared to our own is to dismiss it as too weird and walk away. And while of course there’s no reason for you to participate if you’re not into it, there’s definitely some room for conversation.
Not only does conversation open up an understanding of one’s own sexuality, but it also lets us understand the diversity we’re sure to encounter as sexual beings.
All that being said, not all fetishes are normal or OK. There are harmful fetishes that are typically the result of a mental disorder. If it doesn’t involve consent, it’s not OK.
And I’m not sure why last year’s erotic best-seller “Fifty Shades of Grey” portrays bondage and discipline, dominance and submission and sadism and masochism so poorly, but it comes off as unsafe and borderline abusive. In reality, BDSM is about pleasure-pain and dominance versus submissiveness. It isn’t a horrible fetish to have unless it takes a wrong turn and becomes unwanted and/or involves a lack of personal space.
If we were educated more about fetishes or sexuality in general, we would know safe words exist and are used in BDSM to maintain a safe, controlled and happy environment for those involved. This lack of education causes us to alienate those who’re open and honest about their fetishes or sexuality.
This semester, I hope to explore specific fetishes in my upcoming columns for a better understanding of what they are, the appeal for certain fetishes and what kind of conversations we should be having about them.
Let’s talk about sex. email us at
arts@dailynebraskan.com.
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