BDSM MEDIA NEWS!!!!
February 14, 2015
Dominatrix grandmother: 'Fifty Shades' will open minds.(videolink)
Source: USAtoday.com. - USAtoday.com - USA
USA - DES MOINES, IOWA - While other 6-year-old girls were brushing their Barbies' hair and dressing them up for convertible rides with Ken, Ms. Robin was hogtying hers.
"I saw cartoons like 'Mighty Mouse' where they tied up the heroine," Ms. Robin said recently, sitting on a chair in her West Des Moines home, "and in my mind I tied these women up, because it's what I liked. It's who I am."
It was the first inkling that Ms. Robin was interested in a different kind of life than her peers, the kind of life that involved hogtying - professionally.
Ms. Robin, 60, is a dominatrix and has been for almost a decade. She's a grandmother of three and an expert in bondage, flogging, caning, spanking and medical play.
She lives in an unassuming house on an unassuming block - with a dungeon in her basement replete with stocks, a rack, a jail cell, a Robospanker and a wall of countless props, including whips, chains and masks. She watches "The Bachelor" on Monday nights, but spends other evenings intricately binding clients and suspending them in her garage.
Ms. Robin, who asked to be identified by her professional name, is part of the kink community that is experiencing exponential growth locally and nationally because of the popularity of E.L. James' best-selling erotic romance series "Fifty Shades of Grey."
The trilogy and accompanying movie, which opens in theaters Friday, have more people seeking out information on the BDSM lifestyle, local kinksters said. And although some in the kink community have qualms about the story and its stereotypes, many welcome the publicity as a way to draw more people into the fold.
" 'Fifty Shades of Grey' came out and we just exploded," said Jay, a founder of local BDSM group Central Iowa Power Exchange (CIPEX) who requested to be referred to by his first name. "We are growing left and right."
A pop phenomenon, "Fifty Shades" centers on college student Anastasia Steele and her complicated relationship with Christian Grey, a 27-year-old CEO and kink enthusiast with dominant tendencies. The movie is Fandango's fastest selling R-rated title, according to the company, and the YouTube trailer has been viewed more than 50 million times.
"I am expecting to have another big spike (in members) after the movie," Jay said. "When the book came out we were nervous we were going to get men saying 'I'm dominant, bow to my needs,' but we didn't get that. Instead, we got a lot of people who were curious and wanted to learn."
Kink definedBDSM is short for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. Simply, to those in the BDSM community, it means what you want it to mean.
"It's about stimulating other parts of the body and the mind and the heart," said Susan Wright, founder of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, an advocacy group for the kink community. "...
For some people, it's not a sexual thing at all. It's a spiritual response, a cathartic response. For other people, it's an endorphin rush, like a runner's high. For other people, though, it's sex and it's how they have sex."
For Ms. Robin, domination is about the skill, not the sex. "I, myself, am always clothed," she said of her client sessions.
She spent five years apprenticing with dominatrixes across the country before turning pro. Now she speaks at conferences and colleges nationwide.
"I'm the most monogamous person, (and) I'm pretty straight-laced in some ways," said Ms. Robin, who lives with a partner. "But I'm very open and accepting of people and their kinks."
She was 40 when she entered the BDSM lifestyle. After a divorce, she dated a man who pointed out that her natural sexual penchants were dominatrix-like. She didn't know what the word was, but a quick Internet search introduced her to the culture.
Many people come into the kink community in a similar way: Someone tries something, they like it, they seek out people with similar interests.
It's like quilting, but with whips.
'Fifty Shades' of kinkAt its core, "Fifty Shades" is a love story. Strip away the kink, and you're left with the bumpy, beautiful story of two people stumbling through life to find their happy ending.
And that depiction of a couple working together to create a sex life they're both comfortable with fits with the reality of kink culture, said Susan Wright, founder of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, an advocacy group for the kink community.
"In the books, it's clear that part of (Anastasia) likes (kink), and part of her doesn't like it, which can happen," Wright said. "You can be inconsistent about things like 'I don't know if I want to try that, but I am going to try that.' ... You have to go through the process in order to figure it out."
As for the actual descriptions of sex: "Very close, and very erotic," Ms. Robin said.
Yet, it's not a BDSM how-to manual, Wright said. The trilogy's most dangerous misconception is the implication that Christian Grey's childhood abuse fuels his need for kink, BDSM advocates said.
"That is not the norm in the lifestyle," Ms. Robin said. "We are highly intelligent, high-functioning people. We don't drink. We don't do drugs. We are normal and boring. ... We just have a more elaborate sex life."
Despite such flaws, Wright contended: The book "brought kink into the mainstream, and we're talking about it with nuance."
"There are lots of kinky people standing up and saying ('Fifty Shades') is fantasy, if you want to learn the reality come here and we will help you," she said. "That's helping many kinky people realize they can express their sexuality, that they are OK, they are not alone."
'It's opening doors'
In Des Moines, kink culture has changed drastically over the years. When CIPEX started two decades ago, participants were afraid of persecution, Jay said.
"Back in the day, when I hosted a play party at my home, I would invite 20 or 30 people, and I would tell people, if the police come to the door, immediately untie each other, do not hit each other and let me talk to them," Jay said. "Now, I have a policeman in my group."
Jay estimates that more than 500 people claim to be regular members of CIPEX, and half of the 100 people who showed up at his last event hadn't been there before.
He said a regular play party on a Saturday night draws people from Cedar Rapids, Cedar Falls, Mason City and Omaha and Lincoln, Neb.
What once was taboo is now on the coffee table, Jay said.
"It's opening doors (and saying) there is something else out there," Jay said. "This is not an abusive lifestyle, it's kinky. Hey, people get tired of vanilla ice cream, and sometimes they want to try chocolate."
Jay and his wife are planning a Valentine's Day outing to "Fifty Shades," and Wright said she will see it this weekend as well. Ms. Robin's partner, too, answered with an enthusiastic "yes" when asked if they were going.
"Well," Ms. Robin said, pausing as a wide smile spread across her face. "I'll have to see if I have a session first."
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